i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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