eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
