i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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