The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
