Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
