So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
