is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
