Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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