how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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