I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
