my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
