my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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