420 ftw
I smell stomach acid.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
