So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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