so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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