Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
