speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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