My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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