do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
