I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
