He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
