how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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