I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize