At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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