You smell like stripper and shame
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
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I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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