yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
