it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
