i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
