I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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