Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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