I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
