he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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