you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
