If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
