I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize