Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
