Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
