Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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