It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
