I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
