So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
