Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.