I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.