Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.

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(516): It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch. http://tfl.nu/fh6f

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(314): View more from Missouri

Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.

(573): View more from Missouri

Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.

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(314): Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead. (573): Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what. http://tfl.nu/rrcf

Replies (8) Good night (1357) Bad night (406)
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(858): View more from California

You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

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(858): You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat. http://tfl.nu/yzbr

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(860): View more from Connecticut

but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers

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(860): but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers http://tfl.nu/f9xh

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(901): View more from Tennessee

He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.

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(901): He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas. http://tfl.nu/264e

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(216): View more from Ohio

you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...

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(216): you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito... http://tfl.nu/yq5b

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes

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(902): You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes http://tfl.nu/flaw

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

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(603): i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't. http://tfl.nu/rtpf

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(407): View more from Florida

Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.

(1-407): View more from Florida

Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.

(407): View more from Florida

Bro? You just made it a target.

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(407): Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy. (1-407): Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far. (407): Bro? You just made it a target. http://tfl.nu/0hg2

Replies (8) Good night (2257) Bad night (847)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?

(864): View more from South Carolina

Smooth sack

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(864): I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf? (864): Smooth sack http://tfl.nu/a871

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(775): View more from Nevada

He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min

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(775): He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min http://tfl.nu/44lr

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang

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(610): Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang http://tfl.nu/jrxr

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(904): View more from Florida

The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo

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(904): The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo http://tfl.nu/8wcq

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(515): View more from Iowa

Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?

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(515): Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo? http://tfl.nu/dsc3

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(586): View more from Michigan

Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?

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(586): Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking? http://tfl.nu/6uzh

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