you have to choose: penises or morals?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
