All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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