So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.