Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.

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  (403): I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness. http://tfl.nu/0zt1
  Replies (8) Good night (719) Bad night (1922)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?

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  (360): is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect? (503): Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam? http://tfl.nu/p9dl
  Replies (71) Good night (6443) Bad night (746)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.

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  (708): We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something. http://tfl.nu/qsay
  Replies (24) Good night (5049) Bad night (692)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now

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  (928): i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now http://tfl.nu/zt2g
  Replies (19) Good night (570) Bad night (5524)
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  (831): View more from California

  she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.

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  (831): she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it. http://tfl.nu/5c70
  Replies (16) Good night (4639) Bad night (1140)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

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  (801): No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything http://tfl.nu/rmdb
  Replies (5) Good night (4849) Bad night (1039)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

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  (519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/srza
  Replies (10) Good night (5091) Bad night (1788)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I feel like everything in this room is sweating

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  (506): I feel like everything in this room is sweating http://tfl.nu/iaml
  Replies (2) Good night (737) Bad night (1105)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Wont she be proud, Hailey.

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  (512): Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting. (512): Wont she be proud, Hailey. http://tfl.nu/kwv4
  Replies (8) Good night (1226) Bad night (1521)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.

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  (770): the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY. http://tfl.nu/d6x2
  Replies (6) Good night (1319) Bad night (517)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?

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  (913): My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot? http://tfl.nu/qatl
  Replies (5) Good night (1177) Bad night (487)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.

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  (908): He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS. http://tfl.nu/gbcc
  Replies (16) Good night (1725) Bad night (658)
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  (760): View more from California

  So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.

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  (760): So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related. http://tfl.nu/jwal
  Replies (5) Good night (1369) Bad night (254)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.

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  (561): You know I love you. I just don't love your penis. http://tfl.nu/4w11
  Replies (6) Good night (342) Bad night (1121)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay

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  (402): why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay http://tfl.nu/d49s
  Replies (2) Good night (216) Bad night (620)

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