I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?