How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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