It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.