Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
