it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
