I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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