Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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