Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize