Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
