i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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