She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
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I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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