conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
