Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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