So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
