The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
