he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
