Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
