I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
