i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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