Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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