I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
