I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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