Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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