Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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