FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
