did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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