great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My feet surprised me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
